new parent wine label greeting card delicate estates sleep-deprived new mom dad infant

New Parent

Regular price $6 each

Sorry Your Life is Over
At least you made a human!

You can lose the weight. Get a nanny. Maybe even salvage your career. But let’s face it, shit’s different now. And we’re talking actual shit. Because you’re gonna be elbow-deep in that stuff...for a while. It Doesn’t matter how diligently you wash, wipe, scrub, change or bathe your squirmy new houseguest, that little fecal-factory’s gonna be defacing textiles with one substance or another for the next three-to-eighteen years. Except for wine. The purple splotches on the couch are all you.

Full-color adhesive wine label
5" x 10"

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